Of Love, Future Plans, Hearts, and Priorities

I haven't been writing any posts for over a month now. Not that there is anyone that'd read it anyways. So yeah, am back home. And home, despite being a happy, comfortable place, the exact home had also provoked my thoughts about life, and future plans, and well, my wants.

And needs, I guess.

Lets go straight to the point.

I like this one guy. Lets just call him Mr Darcy. Mr Darcy is an ambitious, and hardworking man. Despite his young age, he had ventured into many business potentials, creating opportunities by strengthening his social networking with important people. We aren't that close for me to really think of him as a friend, but I like him because I think he's a responsible guy, with ambitions, and goals, and he's working hard to get those goals. He, reminds me a lot of my dad.

But of course, he doesn't know any of these.

Then, one day it struck me. Who am I to even lay my eyes on him when I've got nothing of my own? I've no goals. I just... kinda go with the flow. I take what life has given me, and try to make the best out of it, but I, don't really have goals of my own. And how can I even dream of being with a guy like him, when I'm not really achieving anything in my life? I don't know if I want nice cars, or big mansions, or branded handbags. I don't know what I want. To me, I don't need those things. I just need to live in a nice house, have a good car, and maybe some extra money for new shoes or clothes each month. And most importantly, I'd like to live my life without any debts to be paid. Then, I'd like to dedicate my life to my kids and my family. To make sure that my kids are growing up without anything lacking. Whether it's education, attention, or love. I want my kids to become someone good in the society. Someone that they want to be. The best version of themselves. If I have enough money, I'd like to help the poor, the special kids that would always have a special place in my heart.

And that's it.

" Dang, how simple-minded can I be?"

That's what I thought of when Akir laid his plans out for me. Or when Eddy asked for my opinion about business move or so on and so forth.

I should have cared more about getting into business or making investments, shouldn't I?

*sigh*

All these future plans have got me thinking so hard of what kind of life do I want to live in the future. Do I really wanna be an engineer, working only when I am needed in the office/factory/plant, then go home and perform my duties as a wife and a mother? Would I really be satisfied with nothing extra in my resume? Do I really want to be just an ordinary woman?

Maybe for now yeah. But what about in the future? Would I still think of the same thing?

Whatever it is, I leave everything to Allah. He knows everything, and even all the health and wealth would return to Him.

Ya Allah, apapun yang jadi, permudahkanlah kehidupanku di akhirat, dan dunia. :(