Of Anis Ayuni and Suara Hati
I started writing when I was 10. Auntie Anis Ayuni's novel, Suara Hati made me pen my first poem back then and it was rubbish. I've gotten better over the years, but that very first poem was the one thing that initiated everything. I'm glad auntie Anis Ayuni did pen a few poems in that novel, as those poems encouraged me to write quite a few other pieces of my own.
Mommy had been a huge supporter even back then, as she noticed my love for books, and readings, of course. She hasn't even read my poetry (not until the recent ones got published) but she had faith in something that's so abstract, that I could write. So I started writing. I've picked up the habit whenever I'm feeling lonely and sad and depressed.
Writing, books have always been my escapism and that's not right. I know. I'm doing the exact same thing as of now. But those things help.
I remember when I was 14 and I was so depressed that Mommy gave me a notebook, telling me to pen everything inside it. I don't have the notebook now (very bad at keeping things, I know) but I can tell it helped a lot. Writing has been my little go-to-place that no one had ever been able to decipher. I have always been the queer one, I know, but it's a little something that I like about myself.
Since then, whenever I feel like I need to let things out, without really telling people how I feel, I'd pen a poem or a beautiful, heart-drenching piece. Because that's how I actually live my life. My poetry is my rose-colored glass. My poetry is something that keeps me going whenever I feel like I can't go on anymore. My poetry makes me look at the world, in a better lens. It might not be the truth, but it helps me to keep breathing, and be hopeful.
Hence, to the why I need to pen things, everyday, whether it's publish-able, or not.
Because my poetry is my life, my oxygen tank. There were days when my friends couldn't be there for me, and my poetry was there. There were times that I wrote something and I realized the answer had been inside me all along.
As to why I want to get things publish...
Basically I know how some of the poetry had helped me to look at certain insights in life. And I want to be able to do the same for everyone else. I want people to love, and still lash the hatred inside because too much of the hatred inside kills you. I want people to be able to make peace with themselves.
Because I know how it feels like being there.
My poetry is my escapism but I know it's the escapism that saved my life.
Mommy had been a huge supporter even back then, as she noticed my love for books, and readings, of course. She hasn't even read my poetry (not until the recent ones got published) but she had faith in something that's so abstract, that I could write. So I started writing. I've picked up the habit whenever I'm feeling lonely and sad and depressed.
Writing, books have always been my escapism and that's not right. I know. I'm doing the exact same thing as of now. But those things help.
I remember when I was 14 and I was so depressed that Mommy gave me a notebook, telling me to pen everything inside it. I don't have the notebook now (very bad at keeping things, I know) but I can tell it helped a lot. Writing has been my little go-to-place that no one had ever been able to decipher. I have always been the queer one, I know, but it's a little something that I like about myself.
Since then, whenever I feel like I need to let things out, without really telling people how I feel, I'd pen a poem or a beautiful, heart-drenching piece. Because that's how I actually live my life. My poetry is my rose-colored glass. My poetry is something that keeps me going whenever I feel like I can't go on anymore. My poetry makes me look at the world, in a better lens. It might not be the truth, but it helps me to keep breathing, and be hopeful.
Hence, to the why I need to pen things, everyday, whether it's publish-able, or not.
Because my poetry is my life, my oxygen tank. There were days when my friends couldn't be there for me, and my poetry was there. There were times that I wrote something and I realized the answer had been inside me all along.
As to why I want to get things publish...
Basically I know how some of the poetry had helped me to look at certain insights in life. And I want to be able to do the same for everyone else. I want people to love, and still lash the hatred inside because too much of the hatred inside kills you. I want people to be able to make peace with themselves.
Because I know how it feels like being there.
My poetry is my escapism but I know it's the escapism that saved my life.
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