Being Kind

" Tied to my bed,
I was younger then,
I had nothing to spend but time,
On you

But it made me love it made me love it made me love more,"

- Love More, Sharon Van Etten

Looking back, I was a naive girl. My pictures back then, confirmed it. The girl who knew nothing about life and what to expect. Actually, I still am the same girl. But, I've learned to laugh things off and stop trying to expect the unexpected. It's life afterall.

The younger version of me was..slimmer. But I love this thicker me. Not because I need to gain weight (actually I need to lose some) but because I can see how I've learned things over the years. I've received, experienced numerous heartbreaks. In almost-romantic relationships, in friendships, in family ties, in success/failures stories, in expectations, even.

But here's the thing.

I refuse to change the one thing that matters the most to me. To be kind. No matter how life throws lemons, nails, poison, toxic, I, always want to be kind. No matter how people have hurt me, no matter how choices would make me hurt people, I want to put all my efforts into being kind towards other people.

Being kind, is not trying to sugarcoat situation or lie about things to make sure that others won't feel the pain of the truth. Truth is painful sometimes. Being kind is...

It's hard really to define being kind. Being kind is being able to forgive, when a person has done you wrong. Being kind is knowing one mistake doesn't define a person. Being kind is being truthful and honest.

Maybe, being kind is putting your best effort into doing good things. Maybe being kind is putting others' needs before you. Maybe being kind is giving respect even when someone doesn't deserve it. Maybe being kind is just a smile.

As I grow up, people have been telling me to stop caring so much, so that I won't get hurt. To start putting a wall around my heart, to protect it from being torn apart.

But to me, being kind won't happen unless you care. If you don't care, it's not called being kind. It's putting up good manners.

So really, I've gotten confused. We tell our children, small kids, to be kind. But what is being kind really?

Life has made me ponder. Should I stop caring so much about the world because it actually tears me apart deep inside? Should I stop being kind altogether?

What is being kind really?