Invisible
I'm just a molecule of air, drifting in the atmosphere.
- Atmosphere - Mree
Lately, I've been feeling invisible. Sometimes, being invisible is cool, like you are in your own world, and no one's there to judge you if you've made mistakes. But the downside to it is, it gets lonely sometimes. You wish for some appreciation, you wish that people would notice you, rather than just look at you and say hi, and leave. And you're there, trying to grab some attention, to let people see you. To let people know you.
But you're not ready to reveal how broken you are.
It's hard, because people judge. I'm not that strong enough to share only my laughter without telling them my despair in life. I'm trying to do that, though, force a smile and let it sink in, and maybe it'll become a puddle of laughter for people around me, but I'm far too honest to even fake that smile. When I feel like crying, I know there are some people I can run to. And I've been running. Although those people can't do anything. Although they can only offer the words of comfort. And the rest is up to me. But I just like, escaping from the reality.
I'm just not sure how long have I been doing that. Or how often.
And I know I can't be too dependent on certain people in my life, though I know they'll be there for me, always. I can't take them for granted. There will come a time where these people would eventually leave, not because they want to, but because life has its own ways of changing things. I have the habit of holding onto people so tightly, when it's their time to move on from the exact phase of life when there is me in it. And that hurts too much.
I'm too dependent on people. Yes.
And maybe that's why I like being invisible. To get people away from me so it won't hurt too much when we bid our goodbyes.
But at the same time, I need people around me. I crave for attention. I want people to ask if I'm okay. I want to love. I want to laugh. I want to cry.
What am I actually?
- Atmosphere - Mree
Lately, I've been feeling invisible. Sometimes, being invisible is cool, like you are in your own world, and no one's there to judge you if you've made mistakes. But the downside to it is, it gets lonely sometimes. You wish for some appreciation, you wish that people would notice you, rather than just look at you and say hi, and leave. And you're there, trying to grab some attention, to let people see you. To let people know you.
But you're not ready to reveal how broken you are.
It's hard, because people judge. I'm not that strong enough to share only my laughter without telling them my despair in life. I'm trying to do that, though, force a smile and let it sink in, and maybe it'll become a puddle of laughter for people around me, but I'm far too honest to even fake that smile. When I feel like crying, I know there are some people I can run to. And I've been running. Although those people can't do anything. Although they can only offer the words of comfort. And the rest is up to me. But I just like, escaping from the reality.
I'm just not sure how long have I been doing that. Or how often.
And I know I can't be too dependent on certain people in my life, though I know they'll be there for me, always. I can't take them for granted. There will come a time where these people would eventually leave, not because they want to, but because life has its own ways of changing things. I have the habit of holding onto people so tightly, when it's their time to move on from the exact phase of life when there is me in it. And that hurts too much.
I'm too dependent on people. Yes.
And maybe that's why I like being invisible. To get people away from me so it won't hurt too much when we bid our goodbyes.
But at the same time, I need people around me. I crave for attention. I want people to ask if I'm okay. I want to love. I want to laugh. I want to cry.
What am I actually?
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