Decisions

Three months ago, as you walked by, and said nothing to me, without any single smile, I questioned myself, where did I go wrong? Why couldn't you see me the way you had seen me before? And pain came rushing through my veins, and I broke down into tears. Because I couldn't take it. I couldn't take you acting so coldly towards me, as if I was not there to feel. I was not there to listen and see and look and hear your silent glares, and hurtful nothingness.

But today, listening to your laughs with someone else, I was not hurt. At all. Remembering all the hurts that you've contributed to my soul, I don't wanna be hurt. But when I could not feel anything, I was scared.

I was scared that all the pain had made me inhumane instead of a person with feelings and opinions. 

I want to feel. But for now, I'd rather not feel. Because I have known what hurt would cost me.